Tuesday, February 1, 2011

My baby is growing up.

It happened, my baby is growing up .... I drove my son to lacrosse, like I do every Monday night.  It's always the same routine.... I park, walk him in, give him a hug and then leave to go pick up my daughter from ballet.  Well, this Monday as I was looking for a parking spot he said "Mom, you can just drop me off at the door and I can go in myself" (and just then it felt like someone stuck a knife thru my heart).  I was speechless, but not wanting to ruin his confidence I smiled and went along with it.  I gave him his equipment and watched as my 1st born baby walked by himself into the building and into the room where his practice is.  Then I burst into tears.  I couldn't stop crying, and then a memory came to me and made me smile.  It was like the clouds parted and there were rainbows and butterflies and I was back 5 years ago in the parking lot at Ohev, the preschool my kiddies went to.  I remember the day like it was yesterday.  It was disgusting outside, we were just getting over a snowstorm so there was dirty, slushy snow everywhere and it was raining cats and dogs.  Torrential downpour doesn't even come close to explaining the horror.  My son was 2 & 1/2 and my daughter was about 8 months old.  She was still in the car seat carrier thing, and quickly outgrowing it.  It was so heavy to carry with an 8 month old in it but it was also much more convenient that taking her out of it and having to unbuckle and re-buckle, with her winter gear on.  Anyway, back to the story.  I always walked my son in, even though they offered a carline, he always asked for me to walk him in so I did.  On this particular day as I drove into the parking lot and saw just about every single car in the carline, because really who wants to be outside in that weather, I decided to pull into the carline and he would just have to deal with it for this one day.  He noticed immediately and asked why we were doing carline, I explained that it was very yucky out and it would be much easier (and drier) if we did the carline that day.  He was pretty quiet and I looked at him thru the rearview mirror and saw that he was trying hard to hold back tears.  I asked what was wrong and he said "I like when mommy walks me in and gives me a hug and kiss".  Well, of course, I pulled out of the carline and parked the car.  I took my daughter out, adjusted the canopy on her carrier thing and we walked my son inside.  On our way in, his teacher looked over at us, soaking wet, and said "Oh honey, you should have done the carline.  I would have taken him into class and made sure he was ok." (Best. Preschool. Ever!  I miss that place).  And my answer "One day he won't want me walking him in anymore and one day he may even ask me to drop him off around the corner, so I have to take what I can get now and walk him in while he still wants me to."  She smiled and said "yes, that is very true".  So back to me sobbing in the car, I looked back at all of those years we had walking in together.  I knew this day would come, and as much as I would love to always walk him in, hand in hand, I cherish the memories we made.  Now let's see if he reciprocates when I visit him at college and tell him 'I like when my son holds my hand and gives me hugs and kisses.'  Paybacks a bitch!  (Insert evil laugh).